Sheryl's Life

Like I mention in my profile over there - my kids are the center of my life these days. There is a husband in the picture, but with the issues going on with him & I these days it seems easier for me to put him out of mind. I think it is time (and fair to he and I) that I put him first and see where we are heading.

A little background... we have been married for 15 years (last September) and we knew each other in high school, but didn't start to date until we worked together at a liquor store (where he still works and now is the manager.) He has been a drinker for as long as I have known him (his parents drink, and his Dad drank a lot when he was in the working world.)
So I guess I "knew" what I was getting into when we got together. Hell, I drink and have been drinking more lately which is one of the reasons I came back to NS to lose some of this "wine weight." So I have been trying to cut back on the weekly drinking, alas he hasn't.

He used to be a happy, funny guy when he drank, now he isn't. He becomes a loud, angry drunk when he really gets into it . And I don't like him when he is drinking alone. I have figured out that I have become his enabler - his drinking buddy - so it is even more obvious to me when I am trying to cut back the wine and when he just keeps pouring the beer down his throat.

I don't want anything to do with him when he has been drinking alone. I have told him so. I don't want to talk to him, have dinner with him, and especially sleep with him. That part really pisses him off. And since he tends to drink nightly, we have only been having sex about 1 to 2 times a month - the rest of the time I let him pass out on the couch or come to bed once he has started to snore.

There have been really bad episodes over the past holiday season that I almost left - like really walked out - but something just makes me not. I will not leave my boys and he uses that as the same reason that he won't leave. Then when he sobers up and is dealing with the post-alcohol body reactions the next day he always apologizes and tells me how much he loves me. I am just getting tired of it.

Even when he is sober I don't want to have sex. He has said things that have hurt me so much that I don't want him even touching me. Why should I bring pleasure to a man that has hurt me in such a way?

If I was reading this on someone else's blog I would just say - wake up girl! - he isn't going to change - just get out. But now that I am here I know that every situation is different and you don't know what it is about until you are in it.

He has told me point blank that he will not stop drinking. He has "cut back" to just beer - over the holidays he was doing scotch and vodka, but he claims it is only beer in the house now. I think he has some harder stuff stashed in the basement because he goes down there and isn't the same when he comes back upstairs.

He also said that if he "keeps busy" he will drink less. That seemed to work over the last two weekends, but not this one. Yesterday afternoon he was "busy" with putting up a new storm door on the back door of the house and even took the cover off the pool. But when I went outside to help with the cover I could tell (and I saw the empty bottles) that he had been drinking the entire afternoon. I tried helping a little, but walked away after I witnessed some of his actions. It also explains why the storm door doesn't close right. He tried it this morning and said he would fix it.

So he stated last night that we are down to one common thing - we both love our boys - and other than that our relationship is dead. Now - a few months ago I would have cried my eyes out when this was said, but last night I just agreed and rolled over and went to sleep - guess it was an agreement.

But then this morning he told me he loves me more than the beer and doesn't know how to stop. I just looked at him and told him to figure out a way because we are going nowhere.

I know my blog doesn't get the traffic it used to anymore, but if you have made it to this point - thank you for reading and I appreciate any feedback you have.

Posted in: on Monday, March 31, 2008 at at 1:44 PM 2 comments  

Posted in: on Friday, March 28, 2008 at at 7:38 PM 0 comments  

First - thanks to Em for showing me this great template - hope you don't mind me using the same one - I needed something cheerful for Spring.

Second - I have learned that Blogger has made it so simple to make changes to your page and move stuff around and add fun links! So different than the last time I managed this blog - so big thanks for that too!

Posted in: on at at 3:36 PM 1 comments  

Last week was very eventful - my nursing home bound Grandma finally passed after being there for 15 years since my Grandpa passed. So I had some family stuff to take care of with my parents through the Easter weekend.
Easter was low key - we just went out to brunch with my parents, my BIL's and my Bro with my younger neice. The rest of the clan is either in FL or wasn't feeling well. So we just kept it easy for the local family to gather and eat.

And eat I did. I haven't been NS compliant for over a week. I have gotten in a few visits to the T-Mill, but food choices have been more for comfort than anything else.

I am going to make an effort to get back to NS for breakfasts & lunches for the remainder of this week, but dinners are with the boys - we need this right now and I will attempt another 100% compliant NS Span next week.

I can only hope for an even week - don't exptect any loss and hoping for no gain.

Hope everyone is doing well & catch up soon!

Posted in: on Wednesday, March 26, 2008 at at 1:34 PM 2 comments  

take 'em or leave 'em, but for every Friday there must be a Monday. No biggie - but I didn't sleep well last night so I was just exhausted today at work but I made it through. Luckily my new boss is so not a micro manager (like my last one) I can get through a day without seeing her - if just in the hall with a pleasant "hi, how was the weekend?"

Yes, I have a new boss. Same company, but I am on my second boss. I left one Insurance/Financial Industry company for another - that happens often here in CT - we kind of do a cycle around the major Insurance groups, I was with Mass Mutual and now I have moved onto The Hartford - great company, but the boss that brought me in was actually new to the company herself and I thank her for bringing me in at the marvelous salary and "Consultant" title, but when she put a level of management between she and I - it was the start to the end of working for her.

So due to the almost annual re-organization I was able to easily shift managers without having to hit the one-year anniversary. That leads me to where I am today. I am with a manager who understands the concept of flexible scheduling and telecommuting and just needs some advance notice when I need to work from home due to health or child reasons - yeah!!

So I was able to coast through this Monday and leave at a reasonable 4:00 to get home before the traffic.

I had a off-NS weekend but I think I did pretty well sans the wine. So I wasn't surprised to see a bit of a plus on the scale, I am sure it will drop off quickly.

Good NS day today and I know I am back on track for a good week.

I have to get the kids movin' so I can watch "Dancing with the Stars" tonight - everyone enjoy!

Posted in: on Monday, March 17, 2008 at at 6:57 PM 2 comments  

Fell of the NS Bandwagon yesterday - knew it would happen, had a good weigh in Friday AM and then had lunch plans with a GF that would not be NS so I will start up again Monday. Will try to have a decent weekend, but know that NS won't be part of the menu.

BTW - the NS Apple Cinnamon Oatmeal almost made me puke - what was up with that? I did boil it by accident so I let it sit longer on the counter before eating, but man it made me nauseous - so I tossed more than half of it.

Posted in: on Saturday, March 15, 2008 at at 11:38 AM 1 comments  

Here is my official weight loss ticker - cute huh? I wan't to wear some of my cute summer sandals but my feet get swollen with this extra weight - so another reason to just lose it for real!

Posted in: on Wednesday, March 12, 2008 at at 12:50 PM 1 comments  

yes - it has been too long. I am back - on blogger and back to NS. I had my 1st 100% NS day today and so many fond memories have returned - mainly the frequent bathroom breaks! But it will stablize, I know.

I am back to my all time weight of 189. I haven't weighed this since I was pregnant with my kids - it is a scary number and if you look at me from the side I could be mistaken for being pregnant again, so that is a big reason for returning.

I gotta run and get said child into a bath, but please stop by again and we can catch up!

Posted in: on Monday, March 10, 2008 at at 7:25 PM 3 comments